


A Brief Investigation

by orphan_account



Category: RWBY
Genre: Attempted Murder, F/F, Futanari, Humor, Murder, Mystery, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-25 22:56:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18711364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: An evil gang of mutants wandering the halls of Beacon Academy.A poor Faunus almost murdered in the halls.And a single investigator who knows the truth.This is the document detailing the investigation into Beacon Academy that revealed the greatest scandal in the school's history, uncensored for all to see.





	A Brief Investigation

_**Note: The following has not been endorsed by the Department of Investigations for Copyright, Kidnapping, and Savings. Roux Amarant underwent all action herein described without any official support and did not inform any of the relevant authorities about his activities. He has been reprimanded by the relevant authorities and demoted to work at the Activities Center Regarding Office Negation and Yak Milk. The relevant parties have been prosecuted, and the case has been considered closed. The following, due to official policy, is stored for public access.** _

 

**Introduction**

I've worked for a long time at the Department, and in those three months, I've learned a lot about how justice works. It's like a medically approved leech on the flesh of society; sucking out negative effects, but dangerous if kept unchecked. But occasionally, the doctor forgets where they're supposed to set the leech and accidentally drops it right onto the patient's eye. This blinds the patient, allowing the nurse to sneak inside and create a mold of their face. The nurse then returns to the patient's home, assuming the patient's identity. When the patient attempts to rectify this mistake, the nurse kills them; and the plan is finished when a young yet ambitious investigator proposes this idea at the crime scene and is promptly shot down by a hotshot detective that thinks robbery is a valid murder motive. 

The point is, sometimes things go wrong and the public's attention is diverted from important issues. That's what I feel has happened in recent months. With constant news of Grimm attacks, White Fang attacks, and panic attacks, the public diverts attention away from problems in society that don't seem as prevalent as say... a giant black monster ripping your kids to pieces with its claws. So, when someone becomes knowledgable to these problems, it is only natural that they are to do something about it. That was the situation I found myself in. I'm not a writer, so I'll attempt to paint the scene for you as best as I can.

It was nine 'o clock on a Saturday, regular crowd shufflin' in. An old man sat next to me, making love to his tonic and gin. And in between rantings about Faunus secretly just being cosplayers with extreme fetishes, he whispered words of wisdom. He taught me about a problem that had slid its way under the nose of almost every relevant authority in all of Remnant, much to the chagrin of those who had to deal with the consequences. Once he finished explaining, I sat back; awestruck. The genius of a man to pinpoint such an obvious problem with nothing but the analysis still nearly causes me an aneurysm to imagine. I shall attempt to replicate his explanation, leaving out the side story about the man named Stan and his obsession.

_"Now'um, you listen here boy. Those schools, Beacon and Signal and the other ones that I'm too lazy to consult the RWBY Wiki for, are hidin' a vast and mighty secret. Ya see, them hunters and hunteresses have to a' maintain their strength somehow. Now, you and I, normal peeoples, do shit like coke to recoup our mana. But some of the women of these schools do somethin' only slightly less damagin' to the nasal passages. These women are biologically not like you and I, except for the part where they are like you and I. From the waist up, it's all normal. Fine features, finer bobadonkalonkownos, and the finest armpits in the land. And from the knees down it's all normal too; kneecaps that can crush a man's skull, calves that will grow into fine milk-and-meat bearing cows, and feet that spew that heavenly smell from meters away. But in the middle is where the problem lay. You see, the average cis woman here possesses a fine little babymaker, ya know, the chocolate chamber, the grand canyon, the only thing keeping daddy sane. And if we're dealin' with a trans woman, well then depending on the stage of transition the picture changes, ya' know. And we accept that ya' know, we're not bigots. But, in the case of the people I'm talking about, we're talking about an inhuman growth the likes of which have never been seen before. It's a penizilla down there, ya' know? If you cut that thing off and stuck it in a stroller, people would think ya' were haulin' a horrifically beaten fetus! And these are not docile beings either. No, they are violent rapists that hunt in packs, with cum that induces aya 'cum dazed' effect in all that are forced to consume their foul gyzyzycsm. They corner poor kiddos in bathroom stalls and take turns emptyin' their foul apple seeds into the holes of any kiddo that suits their sick and twisted tastes."_

As I'm sure you can tell, he made a compelling case. I could not see a single flaw in anything he said. And so, like Ozymandias doing a shitton of drugs in the middle of the desert, my eyes were open. But, instead of becoming a physical and mental superhuman, I saw that I must investigate the matter further. Remembering the 'K' in the department name, I understandably assumed that I had legal precedent to do police work; and I hadn't shot a dog in a while. 

Once I made that decision, I set off. The document you are reading right now is a collection of my experience in this matter. Everything stated herein is fact, even if otherwise proven.

 

**Section One: Preparation**

 

I knew that an investigation was in order, but I needed to gather information first. And so, I consulted my informants. Perusing the internet, I came across some very interesting information. It appeared that a rabbit Faunus had been brutally attacked in the halls of Beacon Academy, and she had been put into the hospital due to her injuries. I initially questioned the use of a school dedicated to training students that would protect the people and instead produced students that got put into the hospital by being jumped in the halls, but then I realized the connection to the case at hand. I'm a firm believer in using Occam's Razor in a situation, so I realized the most logical explanation was that a subspecies of human females distinguished by abnormally large genitalia, pack mentality, and psychoactive cum attempted to brainwash this poor girl, and she somehow resisted, resulting in a severe beating. This meant that I had a witness to question.

Next, I analyzed if there were similar events happening anywhere else on Remnant. Once I used taxpayer dollars to bypass the paywall on the 'New Atlas Times,' I learned that Beacon Academy was the only school to suffer an incident like this. The last time a similarly violent act happened without explanation on school grounds in Remnant was during that one horrible incident with the stop sign. According to an official who worked on the case some of those people can still hear the screeching to this day. However, this meant that I only had to investigate one school. This meant I had a crime scene, and fewer sections to write. 

The final step in this investigation was administrative access. Now, usually, if an agent wanted to commence on an independent investigation they would have to speak to the head of their department and present evidence that an investigation was needed. However, I quickly realized something. By normal standards, I didn't have enough of a case. This was a problem. I knew that something big was happening, what with my bulletproof source and all, but unless I had results I would have no evidence. So I did the right thing; I lied. I got myself assigned to record keeping and bribed Umber with a sucker to cover for me. This meant I had time and a source of income.

So then I prepared a plan. Since I didn't have any actual legal authority at this point in time, I would need a plan. And one night, as I lay jerking off to the memory of the last woman that could talk to me without being turned away by talk of my investigation, it came to me. I would disguise myself as a student of Beacon Academy! It was perfect! If the school let a band of mutant rapists assault a student within its halls, then obviously a student could fake their way in! All I'd have to do is forge my application. It's absurd to think that any student would ever think of trying to forge an application, let alone try to submit it, so I had a ballsiness factor on my side. In addition, I had my youthful looks and complete inability to grow facial hair on my side. With a little voice changing, I could easily pass as someone half my age.

But this presented a problem. I'd need to look the part. Beacon Academy has strict uniform codes and a forgery of an application rested on it not being looked at too closely. For example, measurements. If I already had an outfit, I could sneak the application into Beacon's files and pretend that I'd attended since the beginning of the year. So I set out to acquire an outfit. 

Thankfully, through stalking online forums, I learned that Beacon student that spent time away from the school for whatever reason tended to go to the same laundromat. So a plan came together. Early in the morning, I put on my most inconspicuous trenchcoat and fedora and sat in one of the red velvet chairs and waited. Sure enough, two girls came into the place at about seven in the morning, and although I didn't get a good look at them I caught enough of a glimpse into their bags to see that they had Beacon uniforms. Using a girl's clothes would require adjustments, but I'm nothing if not flexible. As they loaded their clothes into the washers and talked I put my plan of action into place. Subtley, I produced a brick and launched it through the nearest window. As a member of the staff ran over to investigate, so did the two girls. Quickly, I rushed over and grabbed two uniforms from the smaller girl's bag, and ran back to my seat. After several minutes the staff member returned to call the police, and the girls returned to their laundry. Before the police could come, I left. From there it was a simple effort to take the outfits and cut and sew them into something recognizable, give or take some burn wounds. Then I sat down to write the first draft of this report, but deleted it halfway through, causing untold anguish. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, thanks for reading! I've been sitting on this idea for a while, and I'm pretty happy with how it turned out. I'd appreciate it if you could leave a comment telling me what I did that you liked or any advice that you have, thanks!


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